he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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