I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
