i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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