the new term for farting is butt boxing.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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