Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
