My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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