I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
