anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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