Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
