I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
