I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
