I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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