in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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