So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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