Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
