can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
