Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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