Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
