i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
