I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
