I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
