Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
