I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
