If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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