I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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