Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
