I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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