I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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