You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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