Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
