it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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