I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
