Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
