Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I look better un-naked...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she smelled like a LAN party
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
