So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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