Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
