It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
