i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
