At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
