I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
