maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
