Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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