Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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