Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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