did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
