he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
