i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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