ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
