I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
