I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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