they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
