Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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